Beijing Musings

As I was walking home from the subway station this afternoon (after a frustrating day of teaching little, poorly-behaved Chinese children), I thought to myself: "How can I best utilize my free afternoon? Should I send e-mails (which I have recently neglected to do--my apologies)? Should I do laundry? Should I sleep? Should I eat?" But after some deep contemplation and soul searching along the roadside of Chengfu Lu, I decided, "You know what... I'm going to blog. Maybe people are interested in what their long lost friend is up to... maybe they aren't, but at least I tried."

So, here we go. Unfortunately, there are no significant occurrences or events in my life at this time, so you won't get to witness, via my internet journal, my vast array of personal breakthroughs and areas of growth. I know, I know, you are disappointed. Maybe next time.

So, my time in Beijing is starting to come to an end. As of today, I have 25 days until I depart to the US of A. I'm not going to lie... last week, I was really ready to go. I was ready to stop fighting every day with my water heater (luckily, I'm up to about 75% of my showers being warm...), ready to live in a clean apartment without a rotting bathroom door and uncontrollable mold, to wear clothes that were really clean (and dried!), ready to drive a car and not fear for my life, ready to ask questions in my own language, ready to see my friends and family, and pretty much just ready to be resident of one of the best nations in the world. But, of course as my luck would have it, this week I'm feeling really nostalgic and not ready to go. I'm really going to miss this place! After spending three months struggling with culture and language and food and directions... I'm starting to understand. I'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I know at least 3 Mandarin phrases that will get me help when I need it. I like my little (chaotic) neighborhood. I like my elevator attendant. I loooove street food. I'm addicted to 20 kuai ($3) manicures and 48 kuai ($6.95) hour and a half massages. I think it's really funny that Chinese men are always pulling up their shirts, and that Chinese women always wear ankle-length nylons with capris and shorts. In all honesty, this bizarre (and lets face it, sometimes really aggravating) culture has weaseled it's way into my heart! And I'm going to be sad to go.

This is probably what people refer to as "reverse-culture shock"... only I'm preempting what I will feel before I even go. I'm soaking in all of China I can before I return to Minnesota, and who knows how long it will be until I come back to China. For me (and I can't speak for everyone), there is something really... great (sorry, I can think of a smart word) about living overseas. It is full of "grrr" moments, angry fists raised in the air, ambiguity, confusion, and unending frustrations. BUT, there is also this sense of belonging that comes from un-belonging, a sense of comfort that comes from knowing that your discomfort is completely expected, even welcomed and shared by all. Maybe for me, there is also this sense of addiction (again, wrong word!) to learning about, existing in, and adapting the values of other people that I exist with from all around the world; not only what I've learned about Chinese culture and people, but what I've learned about life from my friends that are from various parts of the United States, from Australia, from England, from Israel, from Nigeria, from Korea, from everywhere. And although sometimes it feels like "East vs. West" creates chaos and a great deal of misunderstanding, there is also a ridiculous amount of similarities.

Ok, I'm done, again, being all novel-esque, but really, I am sad to go.

In other news, Carmen and I treated ourselves to a foot and back massage yesterday after our Chinese classes. I usually love massages, and am always asking people to "push harder!", but yesterday, I met my masseus match. As I sat in this recliner watching the women around get their backs cracked and their arms yanked behind their heads, I should have known what I was getting into. But I thought I could handle it, I thought I could be strong. It all started with a back massage, and that felt wonderful... but then he stopped being kind and decided to dig in. The guy literally put his whole weight behind rubbing my neck and shoulders, and I told him (in broken Chinese) "It's a little to hard", but it didn't work. I'm feeling the effects today. I went to put my hair back this morning, and my neck was tender to the touch! Who knew a massage could do such things. But, as they say... no pain, no gain. I think in the end, it was worth it.

I think I've done enough rambling. I'm going to make me some lunch, and enjoy my Saturday afternoon. I'm currently reading Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry (lent to me by a friend), and it is a really beautiful book--slow, but rich in meaning and beautiful descriptions, just my kind of read. So, I am going to enjoy. Hopefully I'll be a little more faithful about the writing, at least before I leave Zhongguo to return to Meiguo.

Zaijian.